imaginary_golux: adult red riding hood and her wolf (wolf)
[personal profile] imaginary_golux
So fandom is very happy with the fanon that Thorin has a horrid sense of direction, which I am perfectly willing to go along with, but I think we’re all missing a very important point:

Thorin’s grand plan can be boiled down to, “I hope the dragon is dead.”

No, wait, it’s worse. Because at the very beginning of the book he doesn’t have the map or the key, so his grand plan is actually, “I hope the dragon is dead, because we’re gonna be walking right in the front gate.”

And then once he does have the map and the key, well, the plan changes to, “I hope the dragon is dead, but if it isn’t, I will have my itty bitty hobbit burglar carry several tons of gold out of the mountain, without the dragon noticing, and then we will carry that gold across open ground to a floating city, and then figure it out from there.”

Um. What?

And then you add to this the fact that he has no maps that we ever see of the land between the Blue Mountains and Erebor, that he has a blood feud with the king of the Mirkwood elves, that he is genetically predisposed to gold-induced insanity, and that the only support he appears to have is twelve dwarves (and a very cranky hobbit and a disappearing wizard) – well. (Yes, yes, Dain of the Iron Hills shows up to support him, but that’s only after the dragon is dead.)

This is not a well-thought-out plan, is what I’m saying.

Admittedly this seems to run in the family, since the previous generation’s grand plan was, “Let’s go drive the orcs out of Moria! Which has a Balrog in it!” Even leaving aside the vast armies of orcs and goblins, why would you want to re-conquer someplace which has got a giant evil fire-demon living in it? The damned thing is even called Durin’s Bane!

Hereditary monarchy is all well and good if that’s how your fantasy race happens to be wired, but someone needs to whap the collective Durins upside the head and explain that Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance and that dragons and Balrogs are bad to face without proper preparation.

And Thorin needs a better plan.
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