imaginary_golux

So Best Beloved and I were chatting over dinner, which was baked potatoes, and we appear to have decided that Lord of the Rings would have been a) much shorter and b) much funnier if it had been Lord of the Potatoes, and Sauron, like, grew the Nine Potatoes for the Mortal Men and the One Potato to rule them all and then Final Battle Mark I went down and Gollum found the One Potato and then The Hobbit happens and Bilbo keeps the Potato in his pocket for years (and it is magic and does not rot or sprout) and the Frodo brings it to the Council of Elrond and everyone thinks they have to go all the way to Mordor to drop it in a volcano...

And, see, everyone thinks potatoes are poisonous because why else would Sauron have used them for his Objects of Power...

And then Sam hops out of the bushes and is all like, "Oh hey what a beautiful potato I will fry it up for breakfast for Master Frodo!"

And everyone else is all like, "But it is the One Potato! And poisonous!"

And Sam gives them the look of the offended gardener and goes, "Potatoes aren't poisonous, they're delicious," and slices up the One Potato and fries it with some herbs and serves it to Frodo for breakfast-in-bed because poor Frodo is still recovering from a Morgul-blade.

And it is delicious. The End.